i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
