Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
