I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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