could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
