She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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