How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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