Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
