if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
