He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
