Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
