So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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