We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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