I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
