Nicole vs. Life
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
