Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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