Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Randomize