On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
