I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
the liver wants what the liver wants
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
