You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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