i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
