This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
