six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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