I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
