i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Randomize
