I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I want to make a zoo with you.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
