shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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