In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
