just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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