I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
