He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
