I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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