this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
just found out that she named her cat after me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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