I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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