Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
