Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
