There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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