I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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