I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
