If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
