the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
