Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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