i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
