and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
