So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
