He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just found puke in my bra..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
