Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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