know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
