saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
