Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
foreskin is a definite game changer
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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