i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize