babies were throwing up all over the place
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
