Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i out mim tonsoeep
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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