Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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