The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
