tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
