she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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