I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
