Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
