I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
