How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
