I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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