1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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