and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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