I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
