im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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