Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Congratulations! We have a period
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
