on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
