We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
there is glitter all over my balls
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
