I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
