did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
