You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We had sex on a dog bed..
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
