we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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