I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
