My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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