I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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