Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
