I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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