I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
