Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
