You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
