Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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