break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
