i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize