We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
