I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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