omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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