Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
and you fell through a lawn chair
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
