He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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