do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
