Pappa wants mamma naked
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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