I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
