i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
