well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize