So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
