i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
