Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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