I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
