im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think a kid would responsible me up
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Randomize
