i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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