what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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