No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she woke up with a sticky ear
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
